Treat yourself

Do something nice for yourself. Pamper yourself, get a massage, treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or a new item of clothing. Self indulge - have an evening, or even a weekend, to yourself, doing exactly what you want. Have a special dinner, read a book, or watch a film. What ever treating yourself means to you, do it!

        

Now is the time to embrace your own company, make the most of it whilst it's here, and get to know yourself as an individual again. You'll soon see that being single is a very empowering thing, and this time in your life is your chance to enjoy spending time alone, doing what ever you like to do, without having to think about someone else in those decisions. Embrace your independence!

Exercise makes you happy...

If you haven't seen Legally Blonde, then please educate yourself!

Exercise is a really good way to take your mind off, or think more rationally about something negative. It boosts your mood, thanks to the endorphins, so you feel great - and you'll look great too! Perhaps you have some post-break-up-ice-cream-drowning pounds to lose? All in all, working out is a brilliant form of therapy, with excellent outcomes. Get your friends involved, perhaps sign up to a half marathon (like I did last year!) - grab yourself a running buddy, or meet new people in the process. The more you exercise, the better you'll feel!!

Let it out.

 

Going through a break up is very much like a grieving process. It is completely normal to feel overwhelmed by a number of different emotions, especially during the initial stages of the break up. Let these emotions out - you have every right to be upset, losing someone you've cared about deeply is a devastating experience. Letting these emotions out is much better than keeping them bottled up. Have a good cry, watch a sad movie and listen to those soppy songs. Just don't let it carry on too long!

 

After your initial "mourning" period, where it feels like you can't function normally without breaking down, you need to take a big step forward, and not fall back. Of course, you will still feel sad now and again, but you can't let it stop you from getting on with your life. After you've had your break down, you need to pick yourself up and carry on. It can be really helpful to write an imaginary letter you him. Write down everything you wish he knew, about how you feel and what he's done to you. Don't send the letter to him - this is just to help you; it really doesn't matter for him to know any of your feelings now, there's no need for him to know because it wouldn't change what's happened. Writing down what you want to say to him helps let it out, without falling into the cycle of speaking to him, which ultimately leads to more hurt. This process can help you to see more clearly that you aren't to blame for the break down of the relationship, and how much of a fool he is to let you go.

 

Let it out, and let it go.

 

The No-contact Rule

This is an obvious one, but possibly the hardest to put into practise. No matter what, you must not contact him. Try to stop thinking about wanting to keep in touch with him as a positive thing. Speaking to an ex before you are over them will only hinder your recovery from the break up, it won't help you in any way. This might mean you have to ask them to stop contacting you too. To make this as easy as possible for yourself, it is best to cut all ties with him where possible. Delete his Facebook (block him if necessary), unfollow him on twitter, delete his number.

Any time you feel like giving him a quick text, call or message...DON'T! Remember why you aren't together anymore. Call a friend or family member, or even write in a diary instead. Keeping in touch with him whilst you are still recovering will draw out the healing process, for both of you. You are strong enough to resist the temptation of contacting him, and you'll feel much better for not speaking to him. Eventually the urge to speak to him declines, this is a really important part of getting over someone. It's very difficult to move on when they are still a part of your life, and it's so important to be happy with your own company. You can do this!

Remember the bad as well as the good.

Those rose tinted glasses really get in the way of moving on sometimes. It is too easy to remember all of those lovely times together, which by no means do you want to erase from your memory. However, it is important to remember that there were bad times too. You did break up for a reason; it wasn't as rosy as you keep reminding yourself.

Take him off the pedestal you've put him on, and bring him back down to reality; he isn't the perfect man for you. If he was, you would still be together.

This recurrent reminiscing is allowing you to dwell on the break up, which needs to stop. You're drowning in the past, and need to think ahead; to a positive future, as well as making the most of here and now. Stop thinking about what was and what could have been - there clearly were issues within the relationship that couldn't be fixed. It wasn't meant to be. This isn't a bad thing - it's a blessing! Now that you're single, the perfect man can find you! And even better, you're now liberated of a relationship that wasn't working.

No matter how much you focus on the beautiful memories you have with him, you know there were bad times too. Whenever you find your self dwelling on happier times with him, remember 5 things that you didn't like about him, and think about different qualities that you'd like to find in your next relationship.

The break up.

Dealing with a breakup is one of the hardest things to experience in life, even more so when the decision has not been your own. I'm going to write a few tips on how to cope with a broken heart, and hopefully cheer you up along the way. You WILL get over him!